Benjamin Franklin once claimed time is money. He also said lost time is never found again.

Not that this concerned Mick Jagger. He used to boast time was on his side.

But that was then. As an old age pensioner he now might prefer to concur with Albert Einstein, who came to the conclusion time is an illusion.

Of course at some point most of us will find ourselves with time on our hands, and it will have nothing to do with our wristwatch.

We could be trapped on a train going nowhere, or interminably delayed in a departure lounge. We might be inconvenienced by a meeting deferred, or left awaiting a late arrival.

Given the opportunity, we can use that time wisely. We might read a book or a newspaper. We can study, plan or prepare. We could phone a friend or compose a letter.

Alternatively, with a smartphone, we can abdicate thought and indulge in the 21st Century equivalent of doodling. And, with no destination identified, we end up driving ourselves to distraction. We have the ability to aimlessly waste time endlessly without purpose, cause or effect.

Take for example an application for your iPhone called Insults FREE. It features hand picked insults. It allows you to submit your own insults. You can rate insults. And it will automatically add new insults whenever you launch the application.

Original it is not.

“We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move,” is a featured offering.

Watching paint dry would be more enthralling, and arguably less clichéd. But at least the developer does not deliver the final insult of asking you to pay for the download.

Then there is the application that claims to be “the only thing funnier than a fart; the only sound more annoying that a hi-pitched buzz.

“Forget iFart, forget Sound Grenade,” the developer enthuses, “iSnore is the new annoying app in your arsenal.”

You might wonder why you would bother. Only someone in a terminal state of arrested adolescent development could ever consider “irritating and hilarious snoring sounds” an entertaining diversion.

As for iFart, it stinks. But possibly not as much as iSpit! – “a fun game for all ages.”

“The game,” the developer suggests, “is like throwing darts, except you aim and spit at a target.” The more accurately you gob, the more points you score.

Childish and wet might be an appropriate assessment.

Were you to derive enjoyment from any of the three aforementioned apps it is likely to be as an alternative to spending quality time with members of the opposite sex.

And, should that be the case, you might also like to also download Sexy-O-Meter. Allegedly “a precise sexyness-level calculator” it “uses a real image algorithm to compute your sexy-score” so you can “see who’s hot and who’s not!”

Were it to deliver results with any reasonable accuracy, it would no doubt inform you as to why you had nothing more interesting to do with what remains of your life.

Sadly of that there is little danger, as Sexy-O-Meter also features “2 secret buttons.” If you touch the top left of your screen you get a top score, touch top right and the score will be “super low.”

As the developer so eloquently says: “yeah baby, we don’t want you to feel stupid in front of your friends.”

At a minimum there are two very good reasons for suspecting stupidity will be the last reaction any user is likely to experience.

To make matters worse, all four of these applications were amongst the many added to the iTunes App Store on a single day. There are many others of equally mind-numbing idiocy. But few can match the depths plumbed by iPickupLines, which offers such gems as:

“Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water back home.”

and

“Do you mind if I hang out here until it’s safe back where I farted?”

In such circumstances, offered the option of death from boredom or squandering time on your smartphone, many might agree with Samuel Goldwyn when he said: “If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive!”